Top Five Ways to Keep a Secret

First, make sure it’s really a secret. If lots of people know about it already, guess what? Come close. Let me whisper this in your ear. IT’S NOT A SECRET. Your efforts to keep it secret? Won’t help. Save your energy for something you can actually do something about. Like maybe global warming. Now, once you’re sure it’s a secret, keep these tips in mind:

5.	Don’t try too hard. It’s totally unattractive. Do not be the secret-keeping equivalent of the sweaty guy in the corner whose eyes follow every move you make. Stay cool. Take a deep breath. Make eye contact, but don’t stare.
4.	Don’t be defensive, either. Remember what Shakespeare said about the lady who doth protest too much? Being too defensive is a dead giveaway that you have something to defend. Nor do you want to clam up too fast. That sudden deer in the headlight look? It makes you look like there’s a headlight on you. But don’t let your mouth run like a babbling brook either. Somewhere in that verbal diarrhea you’re spewing are probably way more clues to what you’re trying to not tell than you realize.
3.	Don’t be coy. The knowing smile? It makes sure everyone else knows you have a secret, too Dropping little hints about a fabulous secret you’re keeping is going to have people sniffing after your secret like a pack of Chihuahuas after a Taco Bell burrito.
2.	If you have to lie to keep the secret, make sure your lies are plausible. Make sure they gibe with the facts, that they have a sufficient amount of detail to be believable, but not so much detail as to overwhelm
And – drum roll now,please! – the best way to keep a secret is:
1.	Keep it to yourself! Seriously! This is actually the best way to keep a secret. Don’t tell anyone about it. If you tell one person and they tell one person... pretty soon your secret is about as private as an old Herbal Essences ad and that ain’t pretty,